


Dance with me?

by mooni



Category: The Flash
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Dance, Angst with a Happy Ending, Enemies to Friends to Lovers (i guess?), F/M, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, I'm Sorry, Joe is not the nice and loving character we know him as, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, angst in the beginning, exes to friends to lovers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-29
Updated: 2020-05-09
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:40:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23304781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mooni/pseuds/mooni
Summary: Barry and Iris were childhood best friends and dance partners who grew up together and eventually fell in love. They had the same goals and desires to take their talent all over the world for millions to see one day, but when Joe made Iris cut ties with the dancing world to focus on "an actual future" that meant getting rid of all things Barry Allen. Now, three years later when she runs into the man she once loved, how will she react when he asks her to dance again?ORA westallen dance AU.
Relationships: Barry Allen/Iris West
Comments: 14
Kudos: 53





	1. so, we meet again?

**Author's Note:**

> I'm here with my first multi chapter westallen story. Now this isn't my greatest work given I haven't fully written in a very long time but you gotta start somewhere right? 
> 
> I don't have a beta so all mistakes are on me, once i find the time to rego through and edit (again) I will.

Iris West enters Jitter’s hoping to get a quick caffeine fix. After just coming off a week of exams all she wanted to do was down a couple cups of coffee and sleep for the foreseeable future. When she enters the small café, almost immediately, she’s greeted by the familiar loud chatter of people talking and the bittersweet smell of coffee.

What she didn’t expect to see is _Barry Allen_ standing in line chatting with one of the fellow baristas.

Her heart rate starts to elevate and the feeling of guilt starts to consume her. She hasn’t seen the one and only Barry Allen since her father found out about _everything_ and tore her away from the world of dance _._ She thought she wouldn’t ever get to see him again. _To see his smile again._

There were hundreds of nights where Iris had always dreamed of seeing him again. She would think about what she would say, how she would hold him, apologize to him, but those thoughts were now nonexistent. she had closed those wounds and _moved on._

Afraid to reopen wounds she’s barely healed; Iris thinks about turning around and leaving like nothing happened, she knew she just needed to get out of there before he realized that she was here.

Iris knows it’s a douchey move since she was the one who broke up with him, _the one who ghosted him,_ but it has been three years without him and she definitely didn’t want to rehash the past. Not now, not ever. There isn’t room in her life for him anymore.

She had to accept that a long time ago.

But before Iris could make her exit plan they both locked eyes and she was forced to watch as his smile slowly falls into a frown. His familiar brown eyes widen in recognition. Iris hoped that maybe he would’ve walked away or just ignored her and moved on. Instead she found him inching closer and she couldn’t bring herself to move.

“Iris?” Barry says softly with a hint of sadness and surprise in his voice.

“Barry.”

“Wow, it’s been so long…You look great! And even a little taller. I see you finally got rid of the glasses huh?” he teases with a slight chuckle, one that is still filled with sadness.

The last time Barry and Iris saw each other she was about a foot shorter, she wasn’t wearing contacts yet, and she was kind of awkward and dorky. But that in itself shows that they have grown and they aren’t kids anymore. It fueled Iris enough to remember that she shouldn’t be dwelling on the past like this.

“Yep. It’s been a while.”

Barry picks up on the tone and shoots him a confused look “That’s all you have to say….’it’s been awhile?’”

She laughs, “Barry, I don’t know what you want me to say. It’s been three years.”

“How about we talk. Like really talk…Especially about that night. I mean we didn’t exactly leave things with closure.” he suggests.

“ What kind of closure do you need Barry? I broke up with you, my father talked some sense into me, I decided to start being serious about my future.” she says bluntly. What she doesn’t mention is the amount of tears she shed after that night, or the amount of times she listened to _their_ song on replay. “I’m working under my dad, eventually the clinic will be mine. And I’m sure you finally put those stupid childish dreams of yours to the side and finally went after a real career? Hmm?”

A flash of anger and hurt appears in Barry’s eyes when he responds, “The only thing that was ever stupid about my dreams Iris, was the fact that I believed that you would actually be in them.”

She took that remark as a no to her question

“Real childish Barry.” She spits out. She didn’t really know what else to say. If anything, a part of her feels kinda sad that he’s still set on these unrealistic dreams. Iris remembers what it was like to be trapped in that unrealistic reality. “I’m a teacher at Central City’s School of the arts. I’m living my dream. I just wish you could’ve there to see it and experience it with me.”

“If you’re suggesting that I have any desire left to dance then you’re wrong Barry. Why would I want to continue to waste days of my life on something that gets me nothing!?”

Another wave of hurt washes over the man standing in front of her. She could tell he wanted to say something but held his tongue.

There was a time where Iris wanted to dance more than anything. Her life nearly revolved around nothing but it. It took a while for her to finally admit to herself that dance wasn’t something that would ever make a real career. And she knew she couldn’t afford to have Barry come back into her life trying to believe these idealistic dreams she had were somehow attainable. It just wasn’t worth the heartache.

“You sound just like your dad. The Iris I once knew wouldn’t ever say that!”

“That Iris was barely seventeen. Se had no idea that the real world doesn’t work like that. She was naïve and imaginative. She-, I…wasn’t realistic then.“

“That isn’t that young Iris. I’ve known you almost my whole life. You were always determined to chase after your dream…Even when everyone was against it and I think deep down you still want it which is why you’re being so hostile and cold with me..”

Iris feels angry, how is he going to assume these things about her. She’s finally accepted that dance isn’t her life or passion anymore and here he is swooping in assuming he knows everything. It’s the last thing she needs right now.

“I don’t know what I’m going to say for you to understand it but I don’t want to dance Barry. My dad was one hundred percent correct about _everything_.” She says in a harsher manner than before.

“Really? Everything?”

“Yes, everything.”

“Even about us?” he whispered as tears glossed over his eyes.

“Yes.”

It was a low blow and it hurts her just a little bit to say it but she pushes that uneasy feeling down. She wasn’t about to let Barry get a rise out of this situation. Iris needed to remain content in how she was feeling. “I have another boyfriend now; everything is going great for me. We aren’t teenagers anymore Barry, it’s time you move on!”

He scoffs as he shakes his head, “You know Iris, you used to always preach about how you weren’t going to end up like your father. You swore up and down that you were actually going to be a good person who never gave up! That you were going to always go after what YOU wanted. But clearly I was foolish enough to believe you. It’s almost like you’re a carbon copy of him!”

That stings. Iris loves her father to death but even she knows that Joe West is not a very good man. He was never around much when she was a child and when he was it was to tell her all the wrong things she is doing in life. And after her mother died he became even more neglectful and mean. He believed that art, music, and anything involving creativity was a waste of time and couldn’t be taken seriously.

Iris knew that he had the best intentions deep down but just wasn’t very great at showing it. Was she really becoming like that though? _She didn’t want to believe so._

“Things change Barry. I changed. You need to accept that and move on…”

Iris has never turned to leave a building so fast before but once she makes it to the sidewalk she doesn’t stop walking. She just needed to get out of there. She doesn’t want to miss dance, she doesn’t want to miss Barry, she wants to continue her life like she has been the last three years. She wants any attachment she once had to dissolve. But even looking at Barry today made that a little harder than she thought.

As she pushes through the crowd of people she makes her way to a park. It’s a small one but it’s far enough away and there’s a bench where she’ll be able to collect her thoughts before returning home. She makes her way through the grass when she hears a familiar voice yell “Wait!”

It was Barry.

She should’ve and easily could’ve ignored him but something tells her to hear him out one last time…(She isn’t proud at herself in this moment)

“Iris, I don’t wanna lose you again…I…I can’t lose you again.”

And for the first time, she looks into his eyes and sees the raw emotion pouring through. Any guards she had up to protect herself had suddenly disappeared…it felt like she was seventeen again dancing in the rain with him. All three years of repressed emotions and development washed away.

Instinctively she wants to reach out and comfort him but as she goes to put her hand on his arm reality hits her again. She isn’t seventeen, she isn’t in love with Barry, she isn’t a dancer. She’s about to be in charge of the clinic that has been in her family for generations, she has a boyfriend, she has _changed._

Barry isn’t hers anymore and she isn’t Barry’s.

“I told you Barry, things are different now. I’m not the girl you used to know.” It’s the first thing she says that doesn’t come off as cold. This time it sounds sincere. “Okay so what if you’re not the same.” Barry agrees. “Why do we have to continue to be strangers?”

“Because Barry I can barely be in the same vicinity as you without all these old feelings being brought up. Feelings I don’t want to have. I ended things terribly with you, why are you so hellbent on being my friend?” This time around, more emotion is caught in her voice. She isn’t proud of how things ended between her and Barry and she sure as hell doesn’t deserve his friendship even if she wanted it.

“Because I believe that you haven’t actually changed that much in the last three years. Deep down I think you’re still that same seventeen-year-old girl who talked about dancing in front of crowds and selling out theaters. The same girl who cheered me up with dances after my mother died. I think you’re just hiding who you are.”

“I’m not hiding anything Barry. So, for the last time what do you want me to say?”

“I want you to say you’ll dance one more time…”

“No, We already went through this! I’m not doing this anymore Barry. I’m going home.” Iris says as she turns and walks out of Barry Allen’s life for a second time.

~

“Cisco, I might’ve done something wrong but also right?” Barry says entering the door of Cisco’s apartment.

He glances at Barry and notices that he has nothing but keys in his hands. “Yeah you mean you forgot to bring me my coffee and muffin? I didn’t pay you for the fun of it.” He chuckles.

“Oh, well, yes that but that isn’t what I wanted to talk about.”

He picks up on Barry’s silence and raises an eyebrow at his friend, “Are you good? You’re looking kinda pale….even for you.”

Barry feels like pale is an understatement for how he is feeling. He still can’t wrap his mind around the last hour and a half. The way she’s still imprinted in his mind even after all this time. She may be different, but the look in her eyes hasn’t changed a bit.

“I saw Iris…I was there at Jitters talking to Kamilla when I turned around she was there. Like actually there.”

“Iris, Iris, as in _the_ Iris West?”

He nods and Cisco’s eyes widen even though Barry knows he knows there is only one Iris that he cares about. There’s a bit of a silence that grows between them for what feels like several minutes. Barry knows that Cisco isn’t Iris’s biggest fan, mainly for the reason that she was the one who broke his heart and left him a mess.

“You haven’t mentioned her in a while..”

“Well yeah because she hasn’t been in my life for a while now. The only way I was even able to somewhat push forward was to stop thinking about her. Which I did…”

“But?”

“You know it isn’t that simple for me.”

Cisco sighs, “Yeah I know. So, what did you do?” He asks, “When you saw her I mean.”

When Barry first saw Iris again, a part of him wanted ignore her. He wanted to prove that she no longer held a spot in his mind and that he didn’t care. But his heart wouldn’t let him. When he first locked eye contact with her, It felt like a huge weight lifted off his shoulders, one he wasn’t even aware of in the first place. It felt like old times. But after that brief second, reality came crashing down.

“I went over and talked to her.” He admits. “Are you stupid? Did you forget what she did to you? How much she hurt YOU??”

“Yes of course. It’s kinda hard to forget when she told me everything I didn’t want to hear.”

“What did she say to you?” Cisco questions. This time Barry can feel the malice and anger behind Cisco’s words. That frustration that Barry never had when it came to this situation. “It wasn’t anything I hadn’t heard before. Just the usual tone. The way she acted like I was irrelevant.”

He rolls his eyes, “Because to her, _you_ are. She doesn’t care about you Barry. How many times do I have to drill that into your head.”

“I know Cisco okay? I know.”

“Do you really though?”

Months after him and Iris broke up, Barry used to wait and hope that she would contact him with some type of explanation. Days, weeks even, he waited and waited…A part of him also hoped throughout the years that she would reach out — after things boiled down — but it never happened. That was when Barry accepted that maybe Cisco was right when he said Iris didn’t care.

“I told her she was a carbon copy of her dad..” He blurted out after silence consumed the room. He didn’t know what brought him to say it but he did. Cisco’s eyebrows fly up in surprise, “but then after she walked out on me I went after her.”

“Barry!”

“I know…she doesn’t deserve a second chance and I shouldn’t be so nice to her after everything but when I talked to her that second time it truly felt like I was talking to the Iris I used to know.”

“So, what did you do next then?”

“I…Well…You see..”

Cisco sighs, “You brought up dancing again didn’t you? Jesus Barry, you’re always doing so much for her.”

Barry sighs and his shoulders slump in defeat. In times like this he wished his best friend didn’t know him so well. “Maybe I did. Doesn’t matter because she shut me down…again.”

He rolls his eyes once again this time a louder sigh comes out of his mouth, “You need to let her go dude. It’s been three years; I don’t want you getting hung up on her again only for her to break your heart _yet again_. May I remind you what happened last time you put everything out for this girl.”

Barry knows Cisco is right, even if he doesn’t want to admit it. Iris may have been this amazing genuine person once, but clearly the effect of being raised in an environment where that type of enthusiasm isn’t allowed has set in. Maybe Iris wasn’t ever destined to be his dance partner, maybe she was meant to run the family clinic and be just like her dad. And it pained him to think like that.

“Well, I’m not in love with Iris anymore. I still care about her though and I can’t pretend that I don’t because I do.” He sighs. “I just wanted to help her.”

“And how did that work out for you?”

~

Ever since Iris walked away from Barry she hasn’t been able to shake what he said. Is she really becoming like her father? Is she only choosing this life because she’s hiding who she really is? Does a part of her actually want to dance again?

It has felt like it’s been a very long time since she truly wanted to make any type of career out of dancing. She danced a little bit in her room shortly after everything happened but then she broke one of her mother’s vases and realized that it just wasn’t possible for her to secretly keep that passion unless she wanted to destroy the last few pieces she has of her mom.

Iris wasn’t meant for dance. Or at least that’s what her dad told her. _“You’re way too smart for dance Iris, don’t waste all that smarts on something that will get you nowhere..”_ And he’s right. She already has to work twice as hard to make it into the world and to be seen. No way she’s wasting anymore opportunity on dance.

When she pulls up to her house she swears she lets a tear or two release out of relief when she sees Scott’s car in the driveway. Scott is the one person she trust the most, the one person who wouldn’t make it seem like she was crazy. And that is exactly who she needed right now.

“Scott!” She says with a smile, pulling him into a kiss. “Hey Babe, you seem happy to see me.”

“Well why wouldn’t I be? I haven’t seen you all week!”

“You’re a little too smiley to be parked outside your house. You’re never this smiley at home Iris. What’s going on?” Her smile is quickly turned into a little frown, this man knew her a little too well. “I saw an old acquaintance today.” She tells him as they enter her house.

“Is that a bad thing?”

Once they enter her room she can’t bring herself to sit down on her bed so she starts to pace. “Normally, no. But this isn’t just any acquaintance… This is someone I used to dance with before my dad you know..”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. And the way they just came up to me and tried to act like it hasn’t been three and a half years since we’ve spoken. But they asked me to dance again…Obviously I told them no I can’t-“

“Why?” Scott asks.

Iris quickly realized the only reason she wanted to confide in Scott about this was so he would tell her she did the right thing that way she could put it all behind her. She didn’t expect him to question her about her decisions. “Because I shouldn’t waste my time on dancing anymore. It’s pointless.” She suggests, “I need to worry about finishing up these classes and running the clinic not whether or not my foot is turned in the right direction. Surely you understand what I’m getting at.”

“I understand.” He says. “But, I think my case is a little different than yours.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’ve always dreamed of running my dad’s business. That’s why I work my hardest to get there. But you? Sorry babe but if we’re honest, I know that wasn’t ever your dream. I’m not even sure it’s exactly what you want now. Just seems like something you’re doing to make your dad happy.”

“If I didn’t want to do it, I wouldn’t be in school for it don’t ya think? I’m nearly twenty-one.”

“If it meant keeping the last bit of your family intact, yes, I think you would. Listen Iris I’m not trying to tell you what you do and don’t care about anymore. I’m just saying, I definitely don’t think you running the clinic is your passion. I also think you wouldn’t be talking to me about this if you were one hundred percent set on not wanting to dance anymore.”

She hates that he knows her so well. Why did this have to happen to her. Why couldn’t she just skipped out on Jitters today? Why did she have to run into Barry Allen? One encounter quite literally flipped her world upside down a matter of a couple of hours. “And you’ve felt this way all along?”

“Truthfully? Yes. You were so determined to follow your dad’s footsteps that I knew if I said anything it wouldn’t had mattered.”

Iris pouts. “So, what should I do?”

“I can’t decide for you. But I think if your old friend asked you to dance again and you want to, then maybe you should! Might help you finally decide what you truly want.”

He makes a good point. If Iris dances for a little bit maybe she’ll finally show Barry that this isn’t her passion anymore. It would also clear up a lot of her own confusion. Although her dad wouldn’t see it that way.

It didn’t matter what she wanted because at the end of the day he made sure she knew that.

“And how do you know that this is what’s best for me?”

“I don’t because I’m not you. Just like your father isn’t you either. What would your mom tell you Iris?” He answers and when she shoots him a surprised look he knew he crossed a line.

Iris doesn’t talk about her mom, it’s all too painful for her. She lost her when she was sixteen because of a car accident but from what her dad told her, it was brutal. “I know I may have just crossed a line for bringing up your mother but since you opened this can of worms it must be said,”

“What must be said?” She snapped. “How would she feel about you throwing your passion and dreams away for something that would never make you happy in the end? Or that you’re only going after this because your dad is telling you that you have to?”

That stung. Iris’s eyes start to water up uncontrollably. This wasn’t about her mom, her mom isn’t here anymore. It felt like a low blow.

She gathers herself together rather quickly because showing that type of vulnerability isn’t something she’s too fond of, even with Scott. “This conversation is over. I think you need to leave.”

He nods slowly, “And I will do that if that’s what you want but, I need you to know I didn’t say that to hurt your feelings Iris. I said that because I love and care about you deeply. All I want is for you to be happy in your life and with your decisions.”

When he leaves, Iris has to fight the urge to run after him but instead she stands there alone in her room. Silence has never felt more suffocating than it did in this moment.

_What would her mom say?_

~

Later that night at dinner Iris is thankful that the conversation revolves around the clinic and school. Dance is not brought up because it is deemed as inappropriate conversation at the dinner table. It’s nice to hear all that is happening with clients and she even got an update on her brother, Wally, who’s out of country for schooling.

This is exactly the type of distraction she needed after the events of today. She figures if she thinks about the conversations enough she won’t have to think about her conversation with Scott or her run in with Barry. “So, Iris I was thinking maybe you could do check in’s with all our clients these next few months? It’ll start you off to allow you to feel familiar with the place. Does that sound good?”

“I think it’s a lovely idea dad. I’ll do it.”

“You think?”

 _Shit_ , How’d she manage to fuck up already.

“I meant it is a great idea. I will be more than gladly to accept the offer.”

Joe nods, “Remember when accepting offers like this you always need to be firm in your decision otherwise it seems like you’re just agreeing to agree.”

“Got it.”

Iris knows this won’t be the most exciting thing but it will be long hours to keep her distracted. And she needs that distraction more than anything right now.

Their conversations flows easily throughout the rest of dinner. Thankfully she had some chores around the house to keep her mind off of…. _that topic_. After talking with her dad tonight she feels a little more confident in her life choices. But, as she makes her way up the stairs back into her room she can’t help but feel that confidence slip.

Her distasteful thoughts start to fill her mind and she thinks about what Barry AND Scott both said. The fact that they both think she’s lying to herself speaks volumes _. Is she really lying to herself for wanting a secured career?_

Maybe Scott was right. Maybe she needs to just try dancing again to confirm whether or not she still has that passion deep down. But admitting Scott was right means Barry was right and she didn’t know if she wanted to give in to that.

Without dwelling too much on it, Iris grabs her keys and makes her way downstairs. She tells her dad that she was running to the Library before they closed for some study books. She absolutely hated lying to her dad but if she was going to do this she needed to do it in secret.

That’s how she ends up across town at Central City’s school of the arts. She remembers Barry mentioning it earlier when they were talking. _She didn’t tell him but Iris was proud of him for making it this far._

Even looking at the building brings back some memories she didn’t even remember she had. There was a time where this building was everything she wanted. It was the topic of most conversations for her. All her old feelings started to overwhelm her. “What are you even doing here Iris?” She whispers to herself but before she could turn and make her way back to her car she hears that familiar voice once again.

“Iris?”


	2. Rediscovering

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iris dances for the first time (and deals with all the complicated emotions that follow).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoy ! x
> 
> remember I do not have a beta therefore all mistakes are on me.

“Iris? what are you doing here?” _This was not how she planned for this to go._

“Barry, hey!”

“Hi?”

“I..I actually came here to talk to you.” She says nervously.

Barry raised an eyebrow in suspense, the last time he was standing in front of her she told him to move on. Iris knows he must have a million questions. “I thought about what you said earlier.”

“About you dancing?”

“About me dancing, yes.” She takes a deep breath; Iris doesn’t know why this is so hard for her. She used to stand next to Barry everyday and now being around him makes her… _nervous_. “I will dance again one last time.”

Barry’s face grew into a wide grin her stomach couldn’t help but reply with a fluttery feeling.

(She pushed that feeling deep down though.)

“This is great! Oh wow, I wasn’t expecting you to change your mind!”

“You and me both.” She giggled. “So why the sudden change?”

Iris struggles with what to say, does she tell him that he hasn’t been able to leave her mind since they ran into each other? Or does she tell him that her boyfriend thinks she’s also lying to herself so she decided to prove him wrong by dancing one last time. “Just figured I should give you the closure you deserve. You know one last go around for the both of us.” She spat out instead, _what is wrong with her?_

“Oh.”

 _Great Iris…Just great._ This is going to be harder then she expected.

“Well, either way I’m glad you’re here. You never know, you might change your mind.” He says nervously while rubbing the back of his neck. He’s nervous. Iris knows this because it was something he used to do when they first started dating…She thought it was adorable. ”Were you trying to start tonight? Because I have a class I’m getting ready to teach, best guests today, you wouldn’t believe it…It’s a bunch of six year old’s!” He says with so much enthusiasm that it makes her laugh, despite her trying not to.

“Actually.” She clears her throat, to stop herself from laughing “I was thinking tomorrow? It’s already getting late and I can’t keep my dad stalling forever. You know how he is-“

“No need to explain to me Iris, I understand. Tomorrow at noon? Our spot.”

“Yeah, Okay. Tomorrow at noon it is then.”

He waves before entering the building. _Maybe it won’t be as hard as she thought.._

~

_Our spot._

It’s all Iris can think about since Barry said it last night. She knows she should’ve probably asked for a way to contact him incase she has to cancel but she thinks not having a way to contact him is probably better for the both of them so she can’t bail out of fear.

To be fair, he did ask her to meet him at their old spot. One of the many things and places she had to erase out of her mind in order to move on. _One is bound to be anxious at that right?_

As much as she’s tried to focus on other things all day, all she could think about was her feet touching the ground of the abandoned shop that held so many vulnerable and personal memories. The very shop that she’s standing right outside of. After going through the first one-way entrance, she finds herself feeling more anxious than ever.

She remembers the first time they visited this place. They were roaming around town on another one of their little dates when Iris found it.

Barry had been scared out of his mind to enter because he didn’t want the cops to be called but after Iris convinced him with her very convincing pouty face he ended up joining her as they explored the empty building. It was a special spot. It was where they had their first actual kiss, first improv dance routine, first _time_ , first a lot of things.

It felt weird to be back in what used to be a special place.

When Iris enters the empty space, she is surprised to see that it is still cleaned up. It’s obvious from the cleanliness of the place that someone else has been here recently. The floor is clean and the one mirror on the wall is still intact and not covered in dust. There’s still a speaker placed on the floor in the corner. She wondered how many times Barry has been back since that night.

It almost feels wrong for being in this space. The last time she was in here she was breaking Barry Allen’s heart.

The amount of tears they both shed that night still hurts Iris, deeply. She hated that she came in here and tainted the one spot that was just theirs by forcefully removing the one person she cares about most in her life. It brings a familiar ache to her chest just thinking about it.

“I didn’t have no choice.” She whispers to herself as she stares in the mirror. “He gave me no choice…”

She thinks maybe she should leave. It wouldn’t be too late since Barry isn’t even here yet. She could make up and excuse to go but that meant she would be chickening out. She didn’t want too, but she felt like she _had_ too. If she truly still cared about dancing then why does she only feel hurt and guilt being here? Shouldn’t she feel excited? Nervous? Anything but sad?

She’s snapped out of her thoughts when she hears the main door open and a very out of breath Barry barges through the door. “I’m so…sorry.” He pants. “My class ran a little bit over and then traffic was terrible I-.”

“It’s fine.”

Barry nods before heading over to the speaker as Iris continues to stand in front of the mirror. It’s weird how inside these walls, it almost feels as if nothing has changed. They’re just two people getting ready to start dancing in a room. But, on the outside everything has changed. They’re not kids sneaking off to listen to music and dance, even if Iris wishes just for a tiny second that they could be.

“I think we should start off with warmups. It’ll give you a chance to ease back in.” He says snapping her back into reality. “We’ll start with basic moves and if you handle them then we’ll move on from there.”

“If I can handle them? Barry I was just as talented as you, I can handle it.” Are you insisting otherwise?”

“Not at all.” He retorts rather quickly, “It’s just I’ve been dancing and I haven’t stopped but you did.”

She knows that, of course she did. But, something tells her to keep her guard up and be cold. To protect herself. “Right. Okay let’s get this over with.”

They quickly run through the five main positions before practicing together. The silence should feel uncomfortable but it doesn’t. It in fact, feels comforting. Like a part of her was unlocked and finally able to breathe. She should be stiff and uncomfortable because it’s been so long right? Instead, she feels like she never stopped at all.

It was scary.

When that fear starts to take over her is when she falls in the middle of her second pirouette. She stumbles. When her eyes look up from the floor she’s directly greeted with Barry’s. “Are you okay?” He asks.

“I’m fine, just lost focus.”

“Aren’t you glad I made you warm up.” He jokes. “A little bit yeah.” She returns. It felt both, incredibly nice but disappointing to be here even joking with Barry. He feels all too familiar, so familiar that is kinda painful. And she feels disappointed in herself for taking the bait to begin with. That cycle of thoughts that her dad has implanted in her head can’t seem to escape. He would probably never speak to her again if he found out.

He made it very clear the first time that this is something he didn’t want her messing around in. Yet she is, and she feels comfortable. But also confused, disappointed, angry, and _guilty_.

Maybe this was her sign, maybe it wasn’t. Why was she feeling all these emotions at once?

“Hey, remember that one time we came here after dark and challenged ourselves to see who could do the most pirouettes in the dark? And you be-“

“I beat you by four. Yeah I remembered Barry. Of course, I do. I don’t have memory loss.” She barks. It came off unintentionally cold. She didn’t mean for it to come off as rude, it just kind of, did. “Sorry, I don’t mean to rehash old stuff Iris but are we really going to pretend we don’t have a history? That’s going to be hard.”

She wishes she could pretend. Unfortunately, being near certain places brought her back to the past no matter how hard she tried to forget it. “The past is in the past though. Bringing up old memories isn’t doing us any good is it?”

All these confusing emotions boiled up causing Iris to snap, “Why are we doing this? What are either of us gaining? Hurt? Nostalgia? I don’t get it.”

“Well you approached me remember. Right after you shut me out and told me to move on!” He sighs, “If you need a reason then know I’m doing this because I care about you…and dance.” He says when he gets no response. “And you used to care too. So, I don’t know Iris, why are we here if you truly don’t care as much as you say you don’t?”

She does, well did? She can’t decide.

Iris doesn’t have the energy to deny it anymore, dance is and probably will always be a big thing in her life even if she’s not physically doing it. She used to be in love with the idea that her and Barry would be able to travel the world dancing on stages in front of thousands of people. Accomplishing the dream of being with him and dance, the two things she _loved_ the most was all Iris _could’ve_ wanted.

What changed for her? Well everything.

Iris hated that word though, _change._ She would like to believe that she didn’t change but more so, she came to a realization (with the influence of her dad.)

“You’re right. I did used to care, how could I not? It was my world at one point. My dad made a lot of good points though. Dancing wasn’t going to be something that could be _it_ for me. He didn’t want me struggling all the time for money and necessities and with dance, It was always going to be that way. And whether I want to fully admit it, it was going to happen sooner or later. It was inevitable.” She says glancing at the ground.

“You never used to care about any of that back then.”

He was right, she didn’t. It was always supposed to be them against the world. “Well maybe my younger self had a point. Just maybe.” _Maybe there was a chance she will be able to escape back to that mindset for a little bit._

That was the first and probably only time Iris will ever come close to admitting that a part of her resents herself for falling under her dad’s control. That maybe she shouldn’t had caved and cut ties the way she did. It’s already too late for her though, because now she’s trapped inside this guilt cage where she feels bad either way she leans. And maybe Scott had a point when he said that the only reason she’s clinging onto the faulty dream of running the clinic is to keep the last little bit of her family together. She would never admit that out loud though. “Come on, let’s continue.” He says reaching his hands out to help her up.

Once Barry helps her off the floor, they resume practicing positions. Only this time it doesn’t feel as tense, they flow pretty well with each other even if it’s still _off_. As they dance side by side in silence it feels as if they were two people at two different stages unknowingly battling the challenges life throws at them.

It’s mostly technique this time around, they didn’t dance with each other, not once.

And maybe Iris feels like it’s a shame that things ended up this way because in this moment, she wishes she could dance with him again.

~  
Iris agrees to come back.

It wasn’t something she planned on doing but after they were done that day he asked if she wanted to continue or not and she said yes without thinking. Iris didn’t even think twice before the words came out of her mouth.

“Scott, I think I might’ve done something wrong?” She blurts out while they’re sitting in traffic.

It’s been about three days since their first dance ‘lesson’, and they’ve met up everyday since. Yesterday it was only for thirty minutes, while the day before was a little over an hour, and Iris’s conflicting feelings were starting to grow more and more by the day as she held this secret.

“What do you mean?”

“I thought about what you said the other day and I contacted my old friend, you know the dance one, and I’ve been dancing every day since Saturday.” She says rather quickly and jumbled.

When she first showed up at the shop it felt wrong, she originally planned on leaving before he got there but now? She’s not sure if that’s what she feels anymore. It was supposed to be a one-time thing, that has now turned into a one-week thing. “So, what did you do wrong?”

“This was supposed to be a one-time thing not a repetitive one. But, being next to them just feels very vulnerable…It’s like all these parts of my past are coming back up every time I dance with them.”

Iris sits nervously as she realized she may have said a little more then she anticipated. She’s waiting on the day that Scott connects all the very obvious dots and figure out why Iris has such noteworthy memories with this ‘friend’. She’s never told Scott a lot about her dancing life, just the basics. He doesn’t know that ‘them’, is Barry and that they have more of a history then she leads on. She’s kept that part of her life locked away for a good reason.

“Must’ve been one really good friend if you’re this anxious talking about it.” He points to Iris’s leg, which is shaking repetitively. “Yeah, you could say we were close.” She vaguely responds. “Well, are you enjoying dancing again?”

“Maybe.”

“You want my honest opinion?”

“Yes please”

“I think you need to admit it to yourself before you think about this as a long-term thing Iris. It seems like you’re still battling yourself over this. I don’t know how you expected to get an honest answer after one class but clearly you still have some things you need to work out about whatever this is..”

Iris sighs, “I just didn’t think I would feel this conflicted about it again..I swore to myself I would never dance again but now that I am I just…I don’t know.”

“See, but you wouldn’t feel conflicted about it if you weren’t still passionate about it now would you?” He teases with a little smile as he pulled up in the parking lot of the Clinic. “What if I mess everything up like last time? What if I accidentally-“

“Hey, hey, hey, don’t think about all the possibilities just live in the moment Iris. You’re doing great right now, you’re dad clearly hasn’t suspected anything otherwise you wouldn’t be sitting here right now. Just take it one step at a time.”

“Okay.”

“Now, have fun and try to be nice to old people today.” He said giving her a quick kiss. “I’m always nice to the old people.” She pouts. “Thank you though, for driving me and then everything else. I know you don’t like keeping secrets from my dad.”

“Babe, if you’re happy then I’m happy, it’s least I can do.”

~

Her shift at the clinic that night felt painfully long and dinner that night felt way longer. Her dad continues to chat about his day again and further discuss what’s next for her down the line in terms of her future career. Usually this conversation would be entertaining to her but now all she wants to talk about is _dance_. How she finally was able to do more than two pirouettes without falling, or how Barry said they would dance with actual music next time she sees him. Instead, she’s listening to him talk about business stuff and Scott’s family business stuff and it all sounds kind of…boring.

Don’t get her wrong, just because she’s slipped back into dancing doesn’t mean she’s not excited about her role in the clinic. She feels joy and pride that her dad has trusted her enough to pick up and do more for the place. A part of her just wishes she could talk about things that aren’t necessarily her dad’s interest. _Why couldn’t she enjoy dancing on the side while having the same long-term goals as him_?

When she makes it back to her room that night she finds herself bored, wanting to move. _To dance._ She puts her headphones on and plays her favorite playlist hoping to make that itch go away but instead she finds herself wanting to dance even more.

She was halfway through the song when she whispered, “I want to dance again.”

Obviously it wasn’t anything groundbreaking or new but it was something she’s never admitted out loud. It was something she had tried to deny herself from feeling all these years. And Scott was on her side, and so was Barry. Did she really need her dad’s approval if she keeps it a hobby?

She grabs her phone without thinking twice of it, finding the still saved contact in her phone. And after taking a deep breathe she types, _I’m sorry if I seemed hostile with you the last few days, it’s going to take time for me to re-adjust.I hope you can be patient with me. And if it’s okay, I would like to dance with you again… like old times._

If Iris is going to finally accept that she still likes dancing the first step is apologizing and starting over. She wanted to have a clear conscious the next time she stepped inside that shop, this will be the first step.

She can’t get in her thoughts too much because her phone is vibrating with a new message.

_Of course, anything for you Iris. I thought you would never ask._

And In this moment, she felt like she was seventeen again only this time it felt better. She didn’t feel an intense amount of guilt or disappointment, this time she felt _okay._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is definitely very one-sided, I will explore Barry's pov a little bit (hopefully) next chapter. I also wanted this one to be similar -- length wise-- but I felt like this is the best place to cut it off. 
> 
> kudo's and comments are very helpful for me as a writer! I'm always up for constructive criticism. 
> 
> until next time! 
> 
> -mooni


	3. a lot of old songs and cryptic feelings.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry and Iris actually DANCE and nothing is as simple as it seems with them because of their hidden feelings.Oh, and joe gets a little suspicious of Iris's whereabouts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been almost a month since I've updated and I apologize, the quarantine has affected me (mentally) more than I thought it would so I am behind on a lot of things, writing was pushed for last obviously since this is a hobby.
> 
> the songs that they dance to in this chapter are Jealous by Labrinth (Piano Karaoke Instrumental) and Run To You by Lea Michele.
> 
> remember, I don't have a beta so all mistakes are my fault and will be corrected soon.

When Barry enters his apartment that night he wasn’t expecting Cisco to be there laying on his couch looking like he just killed someone’s puppy. He does have a slight clue as to why his best friend is sitting here but it was the middle of the day and usually he’s working.

There is also a strong chance that Barry may have been rescheduling his plans constantly with his friends in order to sit time out of his day to dance with Iris. He probably should feel bad for postponing his plans but he doesn’t.

 _He’s dancing with Iris again_ ; those are words he never thought he would get say again in his life. So, if that means pushing aside some things why shouldn’t he?

“Cisco? What are you doing here?”

“Well hello you too.”

“You’re just sitting in my apartment so I don’t know if you expected me to greet with you love. It’s the middle of the day too, shouldn’t you be at work?”,

“I have today off remember. Anyways, I went to CCSA earlier because Caitlin wanted to know if you were coming to her graduation party since you never texted our group chat back and when I got there, they said you hadn’t been there all day but, I distinctly remember that you told me the reason we couldn’t hangout this week was because you were teaching extra classes. That’s when I decided to come by and see what was really up with you.”

Technically Barry didn’t lie…He may or may have not stretched the truth. _Just a little bit._

“I was teaching extra classes….just not at the school.” He admits. “You’re dancing with her again aren’t you?”

Cisco took his silence as a pathway to keep talking, “I knew it! You will continue to do above and beyond for her…when I joked about you being swooned I didn’t think I would actually mean it…

“It’s not like that Cisco. She approached me and said _she_ wanted to dance again, so yes maybe I did lie a little bit but why does it matter? I’m still giving lessons I just didn’t tell you who exactly I was giving them to.”

“Do I have to remind you what happened three years ago? It’s like it just disappears from your brain when you’re around her!”

“Of course not! You think I don’t remember! That day hurt almost as much as it did when my mom died okay, It’s not something I have been able to forget!” Cisco scoffs, “Well it surely seems like Barry. I don’t get why you’re so set on her? You told me you were done.”

He had the intention to erase Iris out of his life for good when she told him to move on, but then she approached him at his job and he couldn’t force himself to say no.

A part of Barry always hoped she would’ve changed her mind – which she did—but it was honestly the last thing he expected. “You have no room to talk about taking people back yknow? How many devastating breakups have you and Cynthia had over the years huh? Like four? Five? Six maybe? And I don’t judge because I know you love her.”

“Our situations are nothing alike Barry. Iris told you that she never loved _you_ and that she was wasting her time slumming it with someone like you.That’s nothing like what happened with Cynthia and I.”

“Yeah she said that because she was scared! You don’t know her like I do. You weren’t there her entire childhood to see what type of environment she was in, I’m not saying she didn’t say some heart-breaking things that night but looking back at it now, I understand why she did it.”

Barry doesn’t know where that urge to defend Iris came from but a part of him felt wrong for allowing Cisco to down talk her. It was no lie that she broke his heart, anyone could tell you that.

And it was true that when he first saw her after three years she was acting superior based on the fact he still danced and she didn’t but deep-down Barry knew that was just her defense mechanism kicking in.

Even when she gets a little defensive when they’re dancing he believes she’s doing it out of fear of slipping back into their old ways not because that’s how she truly feels. He wouldn’t ever mention that out loud though.

“So, what are you still in love with her?” Cisco asks. “Of course not. But I do care about her, she was my best friend long before she was my girlfriend and I think sometimes you forget that.”

He shakes his head, “I don’t forget Barry, but I was the one who was there for the aftermath of what happened, I am the one who had to reassure you everything was going to be okay. I don’t want to see you putting your all into her for her to break your heart again.”

“I trust that things will be different this time. And if you don’t trust her, then okay I can understand that so trust me instead.”

Barry wants to believe that Iris wouldn’t hurt him again, but there was a time where he thought she would never hurt him at all.

_Anything is possible._

There’s no telling what the future may hold. He just hoped things would be different this time around.

~

Before Iris knew it, it was time to dance again.

Never in a million years would Iris ever think she would be back here dancing again. Just like she didn’t expect to enjoy it as much as she does when she is doing it. Last night when she texted Barry she did that in the spur of the moment when she was feeling confident. But now? She doesn’t know how to feel.

_Once again dancing is bringing all these complicated emotions._

She is nervous because they have been dancing to more classical ballet music lately, which is fine because most of their lessons growing up was more ballet-based but Iris asked to dance more like they _used_ to do privately. Which was more contemporary then ballet. And she is terrified that things will start to feel _too_ comfortable and those feelings she locked away years ago will suddenly make their way back to the surface.

Multiple times throughout the lesson today she feels like she’s on edge, she used to always dance as an outlet for her emotions but today it just wasn’t working and she can sense that Barry knows something is up. “Are you okay Iris? You seem tense.”

“Yeah..” She huffs, trying to catch her breathe. “I’ve had an off day that’s all.”

_That was a lie._

“Well, I might have something that will help you release. After you texted me last night I went and found a song I think you might like to dance to.” Barry says after they finished their last classical song. “It’s kind of a mix of contemporary and classical. It will be easy for you to start off with.” He said with a little bit of uncertainty in his voice.

“What song is it?”

“Just listen and let your body do all the work, I’m sure you’ll recognize it.” She nods in response before getting into her spot.

When the songs starts off, she nearly immediately recognizes it. Of course, it sounds different because there isn’t any lyrics playing but she thinks she might be able to work with it as long as she doesn’t think about the lyrics.

Labrinth’s _‘jealous’_ was a song that was full of emotion. It wasn’t something that could not feel personal. In fact, the song was written so people could connect to it personally

 _Why did he pick this song?_ She wishes she could be brave enough to ask but she’s scared to find out the answer.

At first when the music started they are dancing on other sides of the room and although this song feels personal, it feels nice. As the song continues to play they slowly start to gravitate towards each other but it wasn’t forced, it felt natural. And when they end up dancing together, Iris swears she felt like she woke up from a bad dream and she was once again, young. It was like each spin, each move, and each time they inched closer together washed away any anxiety she was feeling.

It wasn’t until they got to the part of the song where the lyrics would usually be _‘I’m jealous of the nights that I don’t spend with you’_ that Iris lets her emotions take over. This particular song feels so targeted to her. _Is this how Barry felt? Was this his way of telling her how he felt?_

It didn’t exactly matter anyways because she was dancing again, like truly dancing and in this moment she wonders if this is what she’s missed out on all these years. And if this is how their future should’ve been…just them, dancing in a room together, as the sparks pulsed between them.

~

Once the song is over Iris takes a deep breath. She wasn’t expecting to see herself get so worked up over it but she did. “Are you okay?” Barry asked.

“Yeah yeah. It was just…”

“Freeing? Liberating? “Out of this world?” he joked.

Iris smiled, “Yeah, definitely freeing. Why this song though? It’s a bit emotional don’t ya think?” She asked as she sat on the floor, catching her breath. “I’ve never been one to shy away from being emotional. You know that.”

She did know that, but she was hoping for a more in-depth answer if she was being honest. “True, but even without the lyrics it’s still…heavy.” He stayed silent for what felt like an eternity before responding, “I guess I just knew it would be an easy one to dance to. You know, it’s not exactly _swan lake_ but it’s not like _Run to you_ levels of contemporary.”

_Run to you._

That song that was _their_ song, the same song they used to dance to all the time, the one they promised to never stop dancing to. She hadn’t listened to it in so long. Anytime she would try to it would bring nothing but heartbreak. “Can we dance to it next?”

~

_The city sky’s feeling dark tonight…. We’re back to back with our heads down_

Barry was reluctant at first. Dancing to a song that held so much personal history was risky. That song is pretty much what kickstarted their relationship. If it wasn’t for them doing improv to that song in this same building they’re standing in right now Barry doesn’t know if some of the same things would’ve happened with them.

He almost said no but then he looked at Iris and saw the same passion that she had all those years ago and he caved. There was nothing he wanted to see more then Iris enjoying dance again. Even if it meant playing a song that could possibly bring up feelings that both of them were trying to avoid.

That’s how they ended up dancing _with_ each other as the song flows throughout the room.

**

She knows her performance was much more emotional then the last few but this song strikes a different type of emotion Iris forgot she had and she wonders if Barry is able to tell.

The way her body reacts to every beat and every lyric in the most natural way that it makes her question how she was able to keep it away for so long. Dance is something she enjoys and she’s admitted that but to truly feel that joy is _weird_ because she’s letting herself know that dance IS possible and it’s not a silly dream or a false hope.

As the song nears the end Iris can’t help but feel a new type of freedom. She has a new form of respect for Barry. He brought her back to this world, he didn’t let her push him away and she’s so thankful for that.

They dance to it again a few more times and Iris’s muscles hurt by the time they’re done but she still doesn’t want to stop. Each time they dance around the same lyrics it feels like she loses another piece of that wall she put up. When they wrap up that final lyric, Iris can’t help but wonder if maybe her dreams regarding dance are still possible.

But then reality kicked in when her phone starting ringing and she noticed Scott was calling her.

That’s another thing, where does he fit into all of this? Does he have a spot in her actual goals and desires? Would a part of her be heartbroken if he didn’t? She doesn’t think she would feel anywhere near as heartbroken if they didn’t work out as she did when Barry and her split.

What does that say about her relationship? Shouldn’t that mean something?

She knows it does and she knows she should do something about it but instead she pushes that thought away and denies his phone call. “Can we do one more song before we go?”

~

“Where have you been Iris? I tried calling you three times!” Any joy Iris felt from dancing and finally accepting the fact that she wasn’t crazy for having the same old desires and dreams that she once had dies almost as soon as she hears her fathers voice. It’s barely been a week and Iris is already blowing her cover. She’s really not great at this.

She enters the living room with a smile on her face, but not a real one, her usual pretend one that she uses when she’s covering how she really feels. “Dad, I’ve been at school. I had my phone turned off so I could focus.”

“I know your class schedule Iris, so do you want to try that again?” Joe says as he arches his eyebrow. “I wasn’t at class; I was in a club and then I went to go finish studying. You want me to graduate right? If I don’t graduate, I can’t take over the clinic.” She spits out. “Why yes Iris of course I want you to graduate. You know that, but what is this new club of yours?”

“It’s more of a study group actually but it was specifically designed for other black women like me who are entering the medical profession and needs a good support group. We all want to be successful so we thought it was a good idea.” She says trying to play off this spur of the moment lie. She hates that she had to make something like this up but she was so caught up in her own internal struggle with everything regarding dance that she didn’t even think about how she would explain to her dad all the unexplained absences.

An impressed smile floats across Joe’s face. “Oh, that’s great Iris! I knew you wouldn’t disappoint me.” He says pulling her into a hug. “I always knew you were destined for this job. I’m proud of you. Now, come on let’s eat.”

He bought it but Iris feels nothing but guilt and disappointment staring to take over again. The fact her dad is only proud of her when its her doing something that he likes and not something that she enjoys hurts Iris incredibly. That guilt is some-what washed away when Iris realized that it’s his fault for her lying anyways.

If her dad hadn’t threatened Iris with ruining Barry’s life and career the first time then maybe she wouldn’t have to be sitting here lying to him about something that is possibly only a hobby. If he hadn’t ripped her from the world where she felt accepted and loved then maybe she wouldn’t need to be going through all of this internal struggle.

At the end of the day, his decisions is what got her here. Why should she feel guilty?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was hard to write because when i originally planned this story, it was purposely only supposed to be one pov (Iris's) all the way through but then as i started writing i realized I wanted to dig more into both of their pov's so i've been trying to find good places to insert Barry's view of things since this is a very heavy iris centric fic. anyways, I hope you enjoyed! I will try to get these chapters out more frequentually but as always, no promises. 
> 
> oh and next chapter there’s a flashback!! 
> 
> \- mooni


	4. let’s chat.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> talks. lots of talks...oh and a short flashback !

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a somewhat filler chapter that was suppose to be apart of one long one but after reading through it so many times I feel like it serves better as its own. with that being said, I will (try) to update again either tonight or tomorrow so you guys aren't left with just one short update. enjoy!

_“We were absolutely amazing!” Iris yells as she jumps into Barry’s arms. “I can’t wait till we get to perform in front of other people!”_

_“We’re gonna have a standing ovation I just know it.” Barry cheered as he bear hugged Iris._

_Barry and Iris had just got done dancing through their last song for the day and the excitement has never felt better. Iris loves dancing with Barry, no matter what song they do or how intense the dance is, that high she got from dancing with the one she loves has never felt better._

_Once Barry sets Iris back down on the ground she walks over and finishes off the rest of her water before laying on the ground. Her muscles start to ache from the amount of dancing they’ve done today. Barry follows shortly after and joins her on the ground._

_“Can you imagine us in a few years? Selling out arena’s or possibly teaching kids who were just like us how to embrace their passion…it sounds nice.” Barry says._

_That excitement continues to buzz through Iris as she thinks of it. The thought of being able to dance out in public with crowds and cheers, she’s wanted nothing but that. She couldn’t wait for the day that she could dance without having to keep the best parts of her life locked away._

_The day her father would no longer have control of her._

_“I’ve wanted nothing but that, but what if I don’t get to do it.” She confesses as tears start to form in her eyes. The thought of not getting that chance to live out her dream all because of her father and his plan of her running the family business._

_It makes her angry, he’s been pressuring this plan of his into her life since she was a kid. Recently in the last few years it had gotten worse though._

_Barry rolls over on his stomach, propping himself up on his arms, “And we’ll have it one day. Your dad can’t control you forever Iris.”_

_“I just don’t see how it’s possible, he’s gonna do anything and everything in his power to make sure I don’t make a career out of dancing.”_

_“You can’t just let him dictate your future; you should have a say. Plus, if we’re famous he can’t catch us cause we’ll be rich. Duh.”_

_“If we are famous he will be able to find us anywhere Barry. My dad will ruin our lives Barr, he’s so set in his ways.”_

_“Well, then we won’t be famous.” He shrugs. “If we are locally well known in an area then that’s still success. We could be teachers. Not everything has to be big and popular.” Barry says easily._

_He says it so easily that one would think he was talking about the next song to dance to or how to do basic stretches not ‘let’s rewrite our dreams just so your dad won’t crash them’_

_“Your dream has always to be famous Barry, I don’t want you wasting that for someone like me.”_

_“Hey, you’re so much more than a someone. You are Iris West! Don’t let these fears get into your head. My dream is to be dancing with you. That’s it.” he says with a soft smile._

_(it was one of the first things she fell in love with)_

_Iris can see the innocence in his eyes. He truly believes that they will be able to live off somewhere together and achieve their goals, even if it isn’t as big as they planned. “What if we left when we were eighteen? My dad doesn’t plan on immediately giving me the clinic I have to go through college and everything in between. Sooo, what if we ran before he had the chance?” Iris blurts._

_“Wait, are you being serious?”_

_“I mean think about it Barr, I’ll be seventeen in a few months. That’ll give us a better part of a year to save money and improve our dancing. We could run off to some town where my dad wouldn’t find us, if we’re eighteen he can’t force me to come home, it’s a win win.”_

_Barry sits up correctly before speaking, “I don’t think it’s that simple Iris. What about Wally? He’s only 12, do you really wanna leave him behind.”_

_Truthfully, she knows this plan is bizarre because running away is never as simple as it seems but she doesn’t know how else they could be together and achieve all their dreams. “Wally will be thirteen, he’s also convinced my dad to go a boarding school starting next year. Eventually, he would stop I mean my dad doesn’t actually care about me that much. Not since-“_

_“Your mom died.”_

_Iris looks at Barry, “Yeah.”_

_“Okay Iris,” Barry agrees. “When we turn eighteen we’ll run.” He responds with a quick kiss. When he pulls back she can’t help but smile. Maybe things won’t be as doomed as they seemed._

~~

Iris doesn’t know why she’s thinking about this moment. Maybe it’s because she’s found herself reminiscing a lot more lately or maybe it’s because she’s laying on the floor in her room processing the very sudden change in her life.

It’s been about a week since Barry and Iris danced to _Run To You_ , each time they’ve met up since has been to dance to different songs, more upbeat songs that aren’t so personal and depressing. Iris doesn’t mind dancing to this type of music but she found herself feeling closer to Barry each time they danced and not in a good way.

She has a boyfriend and a set job career path but yet she finds herself to be more and more unhappy with the way everything is going in her life.

A part of her wants to blame Barry for coming back into her life and reintroducing her into the one thing she so desperately wanted to avoid. But, another part of her blames _herself_ for caving and agreeing to follow her dad’s twisted idea of ‘a real future’ three years ago.

When Iris is dancing in the abandoned building she feels like the true version of herself. The one that’s allowed to be passionate about the things she loves without fear of rejection or being disowned. But, as soon as she steps outside of the building she feels like she’s the person everyone else (minus Barry) wants her to be. The one who has the perfect life and is following the generational career path.

It feels like she’s playing pretend with the wrong thing.

“Iris.” Joe says, knocking on her door. She quickly tosses her dance shoes under her bed before giving him the ‘OK’ to come in. “Yes?”

“I wanted to let you know- wait, why aren’t you dressed? You have a shift at the clinic in less then twenty!”

Iris almost forgot about the clinic (just for a brief moment), she’s been so caught up in reminiscing and dealing with her hidden feelings that she almost forgot about the important responsibilities outside of school. “I was just about to get ready; I wasn’t feeling very well so I was just resting….briefly.”

“Successful people don’t get to rest Iris. Do you think I’ve managed to afford all of this,” He says gesturing the house. “by resting??”

“No sir.”

Once she looked him in the eyes, she saw the disappointment and shame staring right at her. He started going into this whole speech of how Iris needs to remember something, It wasn’t like she was paying much attention. She found herself not caring about her dad’s work ethic or strategies. Her disinterest in this career choice was very much growing by the minute. She knows it’s not a good thing, but she also doesn’t care that her fake passion is washing away.

“I understand. I will make sure to not make the same mistake again. I don’t want to disappoint and fail our family legacy.” She says with a fake grin. “Thank you. Now, chop chop we don’t have all night.” 

Iris nods before picking herself off the floor but before her dad leaves he stops and asks Iris a question, “Hey Iris, is everything okay between you and Scott? I haven’t seen him around here much lately.”

If Iris thought her father actually cared about her feelings or thoughts about their relationship then maybe it wouldn’t had brought so much guilt. But, she knows her dad only cares about the well-being of their relationship because he wants them to succeed so they can get married and be great business partners sometime in the future.

Iris thinks Scott is an amazing guy, but their relationship was never as great as Iris forced herself to believe, it surely didn’t start on their own terms either. The thought of marrying him one day just doesn’t sit well with her. It feels like a disappointing thing, not an _exciting_ one.

She also momentarily forgot that she ignored Scott’s calls all of the last week for a reason she’s not quite ready to talk about.

“Things are fine between us.” Iris says, “We’ve been so busy that we haven’t had much time to talk and stuff, finals are coming up and we’re both suppose to be graduating soon. It’s just been very time consuming that’s all.”

“Glad to hear you both are taking your studies well. Invite him over for dinner sometime this week, it can be just the three of us. If he’s going to be a son in-law sometime soon I might as well start pep talking him.” Joe replies with a laugh.

Iris may have smiled at her dad but she wanted to throw up in her mouth. Nothing about her relationship should be any of her dad’s business although he did point out the obvious to her. _Iris hasn’t been a very good girlfriend lately._ Avoiding his calls, dry conversation, quick kisses instead of passionate ones and she doesn’t do it purposefully but because none of it feels right anymore.

A part of her knows it’s because she’s spending so much time with Barry and that part of her still wants to be with Barry but she shouldn’t want to.

Scott is the perfect boyfriend. Her dad approves, he has a career path just like Iris, he’s supportive and kind and loves to make sure Iris knows her feelings are valid and they look great together but things just don’t feel perfect as they sound.

_They feel fake._

Iris sighs as she pulls her top off. _How is she going to get through this big messy situation she put herself through._

_~_

“Soooo, Iris is back.” Barry confesses as he sits in the kitchen of his dad’s house. He’s been meaning to fill his dad in on everything that he missed but he never knew how to bring it up. “You mean Iris West?”

Barry appreciates how his dad talks about Iris. She isn’t Iris, the girl who devastatingly broke his heart. Or the girl with the snobby dad who thinks any form of art can not be seen as professional. She’s just Iris.

“Yeah.” He confirms. “When I say back, I don’t mean that she ever left because she’s always been on the other side of town for the most part but she’s back as in we’re dancing again….together.”

“Oh, that’s great! I missed seeing you guys dance together. Your mother and I loved to watch y’all twirl around when you guys were younger.” He says with a sad smile. “But um, isn’t she the one who’s going into the medical field?”

“She is or is supposed to. I ran into her a couple weeks ago and well I guess I helped her rediscover her love for dance. But everything is so confusing lately and I don’t know what to think.”

“Well what’s going on?”

“When we dance together dad, it’s like no time passed, we didn’t have that horrible falling out, and everything is the way it’s supposed to be….but then the music stops or her boyfriend calls and then things feel different. Distant even. Every time we talk or look at each other it all feels…. _too familiar_. Our texts are kind of dry sometimes but other times it’s fun and flirtatious. I’m just confused.”

“Do you think she has feelings for you still?”

Barry sighs. He’s not really sure what he thinks. A couple weeks ago he would’ve said not a chance but in just a few short weeks they’ve managed to go from dancing with each other across the room to dancing with each other with almost no space between them.

He does also hold a fear that his heart with get broken once again if he were to ever get back with Iris no matter how hard he wants to believe her.

“Yes. No. I don’t know.”

“And you?” His dad questions, “Do you have feelings for her?”

“I can’t have feelings for her. It’s too risky.” He said, a little bit too fast for his own liking. “Iris and I can never really be a thing, I learned that the hard way three years ago. I mean her dad will probably find out she’s dancing again soon and then I will get kicked to the curb….again. So, it doesn’t matter how I feel because either way I can’t let myself have those feelings.”

Henry looked at his son with sympathy, “Don’t be such a downer slugger. I didn’t ask realistically what the obvious choice is, I’m asking personally what do you want son? Cause this is the first time in months you’ve come up in here not looking all sad and down. Iris makes you happy, it’s very obvious.” Henry lets out a chuckle. “So, what do you truly want?”

“I want her to be my dance partner.” Barry confessed although that wasn’t the whole truth. “There you go. Be her dance partner then.”

“What if after this buzz goes out she doesn’t want the same?”

“Some things in life you just have to take a chance on. There’s no saying that Iris would be in your life if she hadn’t left you. Just like there’s no telling what’s going to happen now that you two are dancing again. You just gotta take it day by day.”

“The last time I took a chance on something she broke my heart and left me behind. What if Cisco ends up-“

“Aah son, see you’re so busy living in the past you don’t focus on the present. Besides, I ran into Iris shortly after everything happened and she was just as broken about what happened between you guys just like you were. She wouldn’t be back if she didn’t care about you.”

“If she cares sooo much why did she leave?” He said with tears threatening to fall from his eyes.

Henry sighs, “Look, I don’t know exact details because I wasn’t there but if there’s one thing I know, it’s that Joe West has always been persistent. Iris grew up, her mother died, and her father decided to execute a plan he had all along on the type of woman she was going to be. A plan that he wasn’t interested in changing. Iris was seventeen she didn’t really have much of a say at the time and being trapped in a family cycle like that is hard to break and I think you know that.”

He did but hearing someone else say it out loud really gave him some clarity. He needed an unbiased opinion about his situation. “I know…It’s just, I waited for her on her eighteenth birthday and I hoped and hoped that she would show up but she didn’t. I wish she would’ve texted or called or something!”

Henry immediately pulls Barry into a hug. “Maybe it’s time you start living in the present instead of camping out in how it used to be slugger. Maybe you guys need a fresh start.”

“Maybe, thanks for listening dad.”

“That’s what I am here for Barry.”


End file.
